The Importance of Not Giving a Fuck

In all honesty, I’m slightly frustrated—I wrote out this whole article only a few hours ago, and it deleted itself. But I’m willing to give it another go.

So. I feel like this is potentially something we’ve heard since birth: be yourself, don’t care what anyone thinks, all of that. But realistically, who actually follows this?

How often do we think of doing something, dissuaded by what others might think, then say, ‘Nah, fuck it’?

Truthfully, very few of us do this. But who can blame us? Society is constructed in such a way that if one acts like everyone else, they’ll be labelled as unoriginal, boring, whilst if you stand out too much, you’re seen as weird, and even attention-seeking.

So, where does that leave us?

A while ago, when I was 8, my parents packed up our family and we all moved from our sleepy, rural English village to Cairo, Egypt, and after that, to Riyadh, the capital of Saudi Arabia.

It’s safe to say I felt quite uprooted, leaving my friends, my dog, and the familiar warmth of my home behind.

Moving schools every year was difficult, and so was making new friends.

I was also a part of the swim squad at each school I went to, and there was something I noticed very early on: confidence was currency.

If you stood by the poolside with your shoulders hunched, eyes down whilst waiting for your heat, you wouldn’t get the respect you were looking for.

And respect was something I needed, not only in the pool, but also in the school quad.

So, I learnt quickly how to adapt. Being a tall girl, my posture was often awkward—I wasn’t fully comfortable in my skin yet. I had to change that to survive, so I became one of them.

I pushed my shoulders back, held my head up high, walked with force.

It did the job.

Now, by no means am I telling you to change yourself, or any part of your personality; I’m offering the one bit of advice I have to offer and can stand by wholeheartedly.

Changing simple things, such as your posture, or eye contact, will give you the tools you need to not give a fuck.

When I moved out to the Arab world, culture shock hit me. Severely.

People out there move differently. I’ve experienced on multiple occasions the rudeness that Arabs have to offer (as well as the abundant kindness, but that’s not what we’re focusing on today): countless times, random Saudi strangers have tried to push past me in queues, ladies have bumped into me in crowded malls and never once have I heard an apology.

Forget these instances; people in the Middle East walk like they own the planet—9 times out of 10, they won’t offer you a single glance, and if they do, it’s likely to be one of distaste.

Now, whether this is due to the fact that many of them (particularly in Saudi and the Gulf) are absolutely loaded, or that the women there have reduced rights and therefore feel the need to prove themselves in any other way, I don’t know.

In fact, it’s probably a mixture of factors.

In no way is this a criticism of Arabs: firstly, I am one, and secondly, I’d say it’s rather an appreciation.

You see, although I think this behaviour is rude, arrogant, and frankly uncalled for, it goes without saying I have a certain admiration for it, as well.

People out there have an unwavering confidence.

A common English stereotype is that we’re all very polite, and I’d like to say, having seen both sides of the equation, that more often than not, this isn’t really a stereotype at all.

We love to apologise. Apologies are great, but sometimes unnecessary.

Sometimes, if something unpleasant happens to a friend, the English part of me is quick to offer up a ‘sorry’, but the Arab side stops it.

Why apologise for something that isn’t my fault? We’re accustomed to it, now.

Don’t claim it if it’s not yours. Pick up your head, push back your shoulders, and keep moving.

If someone tries to push past you in a queue, don’t let them get past you. You deserve to be there just as much as they do. Square yourself and show them you mean business.

Something else I’d like to discuss is gossip.

Arabs are notorious for being shameless gossips, but then again, so are English people, although in the Middle East, if someone’s talking about you, they’re less likely to hide it.

This is common ground—in nearly every culture in the world, gossip is normal.

People love to gossip: you can’t change that.

If you hear someone talking about you, square up your shoulders, look at them, keep walking. If you have time, give them the stank eye, but that’s not a requirement.

Who cares? Other people’s opinions of you aren’t yours. They don’t concern you. Keep moving.

Wear your crocs with socks to mufti day, put on your neon pink sunglasses in the middle of winter, go to the mall with a skirt over your jeans.

If it makes you smile for just a minute of your day, it’s worth it. And if anyone gives you a look, you know what to do. If you move with confidence, nobody will give you shit.

I’ve done at least 66% of these things, and yes, I’ve got looks from people, but I just don’t have the energy or time to care anymore. Stuff like this gives me an adrenaline rush, and forget the criticism you might receive from others; I’d recommend it to anyone.

Being a tall girl, I’ve learnt how to use my 5’10 to my advantage. The worst thing to me is seeing younger tall kids awkward and bent over, almost trying to shrink into the crowd. You can only make do with what you were born with, make it powerful, confident, unbreakable.

Trust me. Practise this over time, and it’ll become natural. A barrier will form around you. Not literally, but you know what I mean. You won’t be completely immune to the comments of others, but you won’t care.

You and I have both heard this countless times, but I need to repeat it: life is actually too short to create a version of yourself that other people will like.

After you stop caring, everything else will follow.

That’s really all I have to say.

I can’t offer much advice to anyone on anything—I'm only 16.

But if I could give anything to my younger self, getting ready to leave everything familiar behind, I’d tell her this: do not give a fuck.

It’s just easier that way.